A big however

I should have noted that I lost my train of thought and would be back because I had a point and was going somewhere.
There was a big HOWEVER not written in my post " Finding your Joy"

Don't think I live in la la land and merrily breeze through life refusing to see the hurt and pain in the  world . I know pain well and it lives with me each day as a reminder that I'm alive,and even though there are bumps in my journey I still feel blessed to be here.

Don't think I don't feel the pain in the world as people starve, kill, wage war , and rape the earth. It hurts me deeply to see and hear of animals and children terribly abused, and see dolphins beach themselves probably due to the environment we are bent on destroying. Sometimes it is too hard to bear and I could easily be overwhelmed by it, and swallowed by pain and negativity ,but I SEE and FEEL it .

I feel pain and sorrow for the person who looks for answers to life in a bottle of booze , or drugs. I hurt too ,when those I love and care about hurt.

My point was going to be that we all must do what we can even on a small scale , it matters.
A random act of kindness matters.
It all matters , and we each have a responsibility.

We must find  joy in spite of  all that threatens to tear us down,and make us despair ... It will render us useless and helpless TO DO anything, thinking it won't matter anyway.
To be rendered hopeless, selfish, joyless , is such a waste of life.

Living joyfully gives you strength to go on whether it be your own personal struggles or some of the reasons I mentioned earlier.

We are all responsible to give back and help in some way. Maybe your selfless actions  will save a life ( like an organ donor)!

Maybe a simple act of kindness to a stranger will make them think and act likewise, like a ripple effect.

Maybe kindness can be spread by example.

I HOPE so .

The reason I can remain hopeful and able to go on is because I find strength in feeling joy, and simple gratitude.

When I was very ill before my transplant, it was hard to resist despair when I felt so terrible.
Each evening before the sun went down but the sky was still pink, and blue and orange, I'd sit on the patio and watch it, and the birds in my feeders.
This gave me joy and I was thankful for that moment.
 It gave me some respite and helped me to remain strong and positive. I never gave up hope.

 Now that I am well, I still do this.
 Finding my joy each day is what keeps me grounded, remembering my second chance at life as I strive to be the person I was meant to be.

THAT, I am still discovering.

The life of dogs... Maybe we can learn something

Somebody sent this ,condensed version attached regarding the lifespan of a dog


" are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?'' The Six-year-old said...
 
''Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.''

 Live simply.
 
 Love generously.
 
 Care deeply.
 
 Speak kindly.
 
 Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:
 
 When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
 
 Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
 
 Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy.
 
 Take naps.
 
 Stretch before rising.
 
 Run, romp, and play daily.
 
 Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
 
 Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
 
 On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
 
 On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
 
 When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
 
 Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
 
 Be loyal.
 
 Never pretend to be something you're not.
 
 If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
 
 When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently. 

I like it :) my dog is snuggled up to me now. :)
 

Finding your joy

joy Noun:
A feeling of great pleasure and happiness.
A thing that causes joy.
Synonyms:
delight - gladness - pleasure - mirth - rejoicing

In spite of all that is wrong In the world, that threatens to
Frighten us, make us despair the times we live in ,tear us down and break us Inside ,I choose to live each day JOYFULLY .

I Choose to see what is good ( no i am not blind to the bad)



* as I started to write this post my neighbor rang my door bell to show me the online news of a friend of mine who was involved in a fiery car crash early this AM . Vanessa managed to escape from the car but her friend , a young man of 24 died at the scene.
I lost my train of thought , but once again I am reminded of the fragility of life . Here one moment , and gone. I did not know him, but I pray his death came in an instant .

A new year!!!

So much in the old....be back to catch up . Time passes so quickly :)

UNOS exhibit traces photographer's journey to a new heart

You never stop missing your Mother

 

My Mom died near 10 years now. Even though the acute pain of her loss has diminished with time, every year each major holiday , her birthday , my parents anniversary, I feel the emptiness of her simply not being here.
The simple day to day things she'd have enjoyed with me because she taught me to love and appreciate them. The birds in my garden feeding, the joy of my Monarch waystation, full of healthy caterpillars that just turned into little jade jewels. She would share my excitement at witnessing them emerge as butterflies . Last night very late I let the dog out and marveled at the stars peeping through clouds scudding across the sky due to the proximity of hurricane Irene. She taught to to take notice and appreciate these simple gifts of life.
Mum , I love you , miss you , and I can still feel how you felt when I hugged you.
I KNOW you were with me many times when I was so sick.
Now that I am well our "visits " are less.
I miss you , love you and I know I'll see you again...just not now.
I think you will be near as I celebrate my first solo show in a gallery . "who'da thunk it?"
you'd say with a smile:).
A smile that will be in my heart forever.

Releasing the fear of death

Remember being a little kid and first understanding the concept of death and the terror you felt about your parents dying or yourself? I found as I get older, that concern , and fear starts to diminish into just something you know will happen eventually but It's never that close.

Then one of your parents die...that really brings the reality of your own mortality into focus. When my Mum died it was strange I did not feel OLDER , I felt like a child again. An orphaned child. A sense of hurt and loss I had never imagined.Even now, ten years have passed since she died and thankfully the image in my mind is not how she looked the moment she died, but how she looked just minutes after. Beautiful! Pink, warm, soft, peaceful. The lines of struggle and pain now erased and although I was filled with my own grief and pain I thought how natural and beautiful the process was. My mother brought me into the world, and all of my sisters, my brother and my Dad , even my brother in law and niece and nephew were all there to see her out of this world.

My mother Grace

Two years later, I would begin my own journey right to the brink of my own death.

Save a life, be an organ donor :)

When life is going well , how easy it is to take it for granted

We never think it could happen to us/ My Road to Transplant

I wanted to be a nurse for as long as I can remember. I started my career as a new graduate at a local hospital, and worked there for 29 years. The last 26 years were in the Emergency Department. I loved the pace and challenge of being in Emergency medicine. I loved helping others, and always tried to care for people as I would want to be treated. Little did I know I would soon be the one who needed care.

I was healthy and athletic my whole life. I ate well, exercised, and did all I could to take care of myself. One morning in December 2003, I woke up with what I thought was the “flu”. It was the season; it was rampant in the ER.(Emergency Dept) Many patients as well as staff had the same thing. Feeling a little guilty for calling in sick due to short staffing, I stayed in bed with my aches, fever, and sniffles for one day, and went back to work as usual. Weeks passed, and I continued to feel tired and just could not kick it. I blamed it on too many hours, hormones, age, you name it. I would go home after my 12 plus hour shift, and try to run with my dog. I could not even get past 2 houses without feeling short of breath.

I took myself to the ER Jan 7, 2004. I knew something was really wrong, but wanted to deny it. I found out I was in CHF, (congestive heart failure)I had cardiomyopathy(enlarged heart) caused by a virus and had a large fluid collection (effusion) around my right lung. All my valves were leaking and I was in trouble. I met my cardiologist that day. I remember him putting his arm around me and telling me he’d get me through this. For three and a half years he was not only my cardiologist but became my friend as well. We remain friends to this day.

After that it was a blur of constant illness and procedures. First, a Mitral valve repair and then 6 months later a Tricuspid valve repair. In between, multiple hospital admissions for CHF, arrhythmias, (irregular heart beats)cardioversions (electrical shocks to return your heart to normal rhythm) and multiple thoracentesis ( needle drainage of fluid from around the lung)for effusions. Almost weekly, a liter or so was taken out of my chest. We could not get my CHF under control. In December 2006, a thoracotomy(open chest surgery) was done to re-expand my right lung and remove all scar tissue. That stopped the fluid around my lung, but it went to my abdomen instead, making me unable to eat. I dropped to 98 lbs on my 5’5’’ frame. I looked and felt terrible. I went frequently to have fluid drained from my abdomen.

I went to Shands Hospital in Gainesville in April 2006. They tried to manage me medically. I continued with the same problems, and by November I was in a downward spiral. I felt my time running out. I felt so bad; it would have been okay to die. I did not want to, but it would be okay.

I was placed on the transplant list March 22, 2007. I prayed to God to give me the chance to live, and the gift would not be wasted. I also prayed to go home even for a day, to see my husband, my home, my cat, and sleep in my own bed for perhaps the last time. I went home after two weeks with a dobutamine drip to wait for a heart.  This is a medicine that forces the heart to pump harder, and wears it out more quickly. At this point, I only had weeks to live and would have died without a transplant.This was my last and final option.
Before I was sent home, I  had started  to feel the sense of something BIG coming. I just knew.
The phone rang at home 36 hours later  and I heard the words, “Debra, we have a heart for you”. I think I cried all the way to Gainesville. At some point, a feeling of peace came to me, and I knew I’d be okay. I was getting my chance.

Easter morning, April 8, 2007, God gave me the most wonderful gift. He and a 29 year old woman, through her unselfish act of donation, gave me back my life. I am a new person, and I’m doing great. My life is now be committed to promoting organ donor awareness and education. I am a living example of the miracle it is.

That’s my story , the condensed version. It’s hard to believe four years have flown by and here I am on a path I never imagined.  Four years ago I picked up a new camera, and that opened the door to a new path in my journey. More on all this later...

                                                             

MY words to live by...